English in Five Years: According to The EC author unknown
The European Commission has
just announced an agreement whereby English will be the
official language of the European nation rather than
German that was the other possibility.
As part of the
negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has
accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known
as "Euro-English".
In the first year,
"s" will replace the soft "c".
Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with
joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of
the "k". This should klear up konfusion, and
keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing
publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome
"ph" will be replaced with the "f".
This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year,
publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of
double letters which have always ben a deterent to
akurate speling. Also, al wil agree that the horibl mes
of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful
and it should go away.
By the 4th yer peopl
wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze
unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil
hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor
trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali
kum tru.
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