English in Five Years: According to The EC author unknown 
The European Commission has
        just announced an agreement whereby English will be the
        official language of the European nation rather than
        German that was the other possibility. 
        As part of the
        negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that
        English spelling had some room for improvement and has
        accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known
        as "Euro-English". 
        In the first year,
        "s" will replace the soft "c".
        Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with
        joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of
        the "k". This should klear up konfusion, and
        keyboards kan have one less letter. 
        There will be growing
        publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome
        "ph" will be replaced with the "f".
        This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. 
        In the 3rd year,
        publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
        reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
        possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of
        double letters which have always ben a deterent to
        akurate speling. Also, al wil agree that the horibl mes
        of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful
        and it should go away. 
        By the 4th yer peopl
        wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
        with "z" and "w" with "v". 
        During ze fifz yer, ze
        unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
        kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil
        hav a reil sensibl riten styl. 
        Zer vil be no mor
        trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
        understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali
        kum tru. 
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